In the beginning of
human history, the natural phenomenon of marriage arose. We are all
witnesses to its source, readily seen in nature and perceived through
reason. There is a natural ecology to marriage, which when followed
to its fullest potential has the power to beckon us to a sanctified
purpose and to the highest love. Self-giving and sacrifice are at the
heart of the bond of marriage. In proper order, that same ecology can
bring health and peace, not only to ourselves, but also to the whole
world through enduring love.
The ability to
procreate, two sexes in union creating new life, was the means of
successively keeping the human race growing and, eventually, to
survive. Sex itself was and is the positive means by which humans
participate in the creative act. The mutual giving of one's self, in
complementarity, brings forth the most beautiful of all creatures, a
new human life, endowed with a soul. Love, being the service by
self-giving, is not unfruitful. The true loving union of two who give
of themselves fully, between equal and complementary parts, gives
birth to life. True love is creative.
The principal
purpose of sex, then, is for the creation of new life. This is
obvious from all of nature by any simple scientific observation. We
have reduced sex in our western culture, though, simply to a source
of pleasure, as though it were a biological necessity to experience
physical ecstasy on a regular basis for the survival of each
individual. The holy virgins of the Church prove us wrong by their
lives of consecration, setting themselves aside for their singular
devotion to the Lord, simultaneously giving witness to the sacred
purpose of sex and of family. When sex is not open to its inherent
purpose of begetting new life, then sex is only a mimicking of its
truth, and the parties withhold of their full selves.
That new life,
given to us as a little baby, is the immediate proof of two
individuals who gave of themselves, one to the other in love, even if
for one brief instant. (Of course, we are perplexed and distraught
when a child is the product of abuse against the capability to love,
though the child is still proof of a mother's love and her life
giving capacity). We expect, as society, for that child to be
provided for its safety, protection and provision of food, shelter
and love. It has been scientifically proven that infants will die
without human interaction, without the regular touch of another
human. The nurturing touch of a mother is especially crucial in the
healthy development of her children. The beautiful gift of life
demands the responsibility of committed love.
This fruitful union
between male and female, then, requires a permanency if it is to
fulfill its full end, that is, to beget new life and to nurture it
into full growth—socially, physically and spiritually healthy.
There is a special responsibility on the part of the parents to
lovingly care for those children for as long as needed. The
sustainability of the family unity is crucial for the well-being of
the children, as well as the parents themselves. There is no doubt
that care for a child, and especially multiple children, is the work
of two adults, as opposed to one. There is also no doubt that
fidelity and consistency is a crucial part of relationship building
and social skills for forming healthy children and adults. Unless the
father and mother are ravenous, violent and deeply disordered
individuals, it is always better to have the biological parents to
care for their biological children, whenever possible.
Thus, the natural
origin of marriage as a permanent union between one male and one
female arose at the first child's conception. Marriage is a
necessity, as a human societal construct, for the good of all
children. It is a necessity for the stability of society itself, to
properly care for one another and to ensure the proper growth of the
human race. The indissolubility of marriage is essential to its
function of responsibility, just as the union of sexual
complementarity is essential to its function of procreation. The
dignity of marriage, then, proceeds from the great responsibility and
gift of life.
Let us not neglect,
however, the spiritual component of the sexual act and, therefore,
marriage itself. Humans are not reducible to flesh and blood, eggs
and seeds or, worse, to reproductive parts or the pleasure derived in
their use. Instead, we have emotions, intellects, wills and spirits.
The giving of our individual self, with the capacity to beget life in
our own image, is one of the greatest vulnerabilities and intimacies
of our human existence. Of course, our entire being will be drawn
into such an act. To perform this act in any way contrary to the
necessary dignity of marriage is to participate fully in the
“throw-away” or disposable culture about which Pope Francis so
often speaks. We give up part of our spirit, our will, our own
dignity whenever we participate in sex that is contrary to the full
dignity of marriage, open to the power of life and its
responsibilities. In that way, we dispose of our own selves,
degrading and destroying ourselves in an effort of
self-gratification. True love does not partake in destruction of the
human person.
The fullness of
marriage, then, is realized only in the full and faithful mutual
self-giving, within the context of the great possibility of its
rightful, blessed, life-giving consequences. The whole ecology of the
human person demands the dignity of such a relationship, as well as
the whole ecology of human society. To violate the bounds of marriage
is to harm the individuals involved, to harm children, and to harm
society. The state of marriage and the act of self-giving in marriage
through sex is sacred.
For this reason,
Christ elevated marriage to a new and sanctified level. As the
Catholic Church is witness to it, Christ instituted marriage as a
sacrament for all Christians. By making vows to one another, each
Christian spouse partakes in the grace of God to fulfill a vocation
for the purpose of being a sign in the world and to one another of
Christ's own love. “'For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one
flesh.' This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and
the church' (Eph. 5:31-32 NRSVCE). The holy matrimony of two
Christians, becoming one flesh, is the efficacious sign of Christ
being one flesh, one spirit, with his bride, the Church. It is an
indissoluble covenant relationship. Through this sacrament, Christ
imparts his grace to the spouses and to the family, to the children
begotten through such love. The sanctification of the spouses, as
well as others, is the main effect of the sacrament of holy
matrimony. By it, love abounds more and more.
You Witnesses
You may be a
Christian and reading this now. Perhaps you have witnessed in your
own country a degrading of marriage in many ways. Especially in the
western world, we have witnessed a breakdown of the rightful purpose
of marriage, as well as its natural and spiritual effects. Perhaps
you have witnessed a legalization of divorce and remarriage,
premarital or extramarital sex being promoted, contraception being
used to hinder the natural, life-giving blessings of sex, or
homosexuality being promoted or legalized in some way. Perhaps you
are wondering what to do now, or perhaps you believe you already know
what to do. Some of you are honest, gentle and loving people, knowing
that the Lord requires us to “act justly, and to love mercy, and to
walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). Some of you are sorely
mistaken in your concept of love, which in reality is the perfect
blending of mercy and justice, the two not being opposed.
Let us not be
confused of our own Christian duties: we must love. The greatest
commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with
all your soul, and with all your mind. The second is to love your
neighbor as your self (Mark 12:28-31). In the context of marriage and
family, we must first love our families. We must show obedience and
patience to our parents; we must submit ourselves to our spouses in
long-suffering faithfulness and kindness; we must be merciful and
gentle with our children, teaching them and providing for their
needs. If we cannot love within our own home, then it means little to
love those outside our homes. We must seek the highest good of those
in our families at all times, day by day, hour by hour, minute by
minute.
Then, we must love those neighbors not within our families. We do
this by humble service to all, first recognizing our own need of
God's grace and mercy, so that we may impart it to others. Jesus
taught us to love everyone the same. “And if anyone forces you to
go one mile, go also the second mile. Give to everyone who begs from
you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you,” he
taught (Matt. 5:41-42 NRSVCE). Later, he gave us a new commandment,
which requires us to give entirely of ourselves for one another, as
Christ gave up his own life for us (John 13:34). We must continually
humble ourselves before others, so as to imitate Christ and to to
walk in the Spirit. So, the Scriptures tell us, “God opposes the
proud, but gives grace to the humble” and, also, “Blessed are the
merciful, for they shall receive mercy” (1 Pet. 5:5; Matt. 5:7
NRSVCE).
If you believe that
by condemning someone you live the life of Christ, then you are
sorely mistaken. We will only live the life of Christ by seeking the
lost, healing the broken-hearted, feeding the hungry, sheltering the
poor, caring for the sick and clothing the naked. It is in dying that
we are born to eternal life. If we do not carry the death of Jesus in
our bodies, then we will never have the life of Jesus in our mortal
flesh (2 Cor. 4:10). Therefore, we should look to those who have gone
before us in our Catholic faith. We should look to the confessors and
martyrs who have loved God above all else and others more than their
own lives, giving of themselves until there was nothing left to give.
St. Maximilian Kölbe was
one of them, giving his life in the place of another in Auschwitz.
Pope John Paul II called him a “martyr of charity.” There is no
greater love. Like the Great Physician, we should go out to be with
those effected by the sickness of sin and death. We must honor
everyone more than ourselves. We must go to the outcast, the
deserted, the abandoned. We must love all with the unquenchable,
infinite and compassionate desire that Christ has for all human
souls. Then, and only then, will love win.
O God, I have fallen
short of many things, especially your glory.
I have sinned
through my own fault, my most grievous fault.
Yet, you have come
to save, not to condemn.
You have come to set
captives free and to heal the brokenhearted.
I have been such a
captive, and you will have nothing less than my freedom.
Grant me, O God, the
grace to live the life of love to which you have called us.
Let there be none
who escapes your love through me.
Let there be not one
soul to whom I am neighbor that does not see your heart,
pierced through for
infinite love and oceans of mercy awaiting them.
May your love, which
is like the mighty mountains, strengthen our marriages.
May your
faithfulness, which extends to the heavens, stretch out to meet our
families.
May fathers, mothers
and children act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with you.
May your Spirit fill
our hearts, pouring out your grace to fulfill our purpose.
Holy, holy, holy is
your name.
May you sanctify us
in body and soul, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Amen.
Immaculate one,
Mother of the Redeemer, pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for
us.
Sts. Peter and Paul,
pray for us.
St. Maximilian
Kölbe, pray for us.
St. John Paul II,
pray for us.
St. John XXIII, pray
for us.
St. Therese of
Lisieux, pray for us.
St. Jude, pray for
us.
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