Sacrifices of the Will: Forgiveness

           Jesus’ love is so great for us that it is unfathomable. We are so far from the love that he is, and the ocean of mercy that he continually offers us. And, yet, he calls us to lives of love and mercy. He calls us to be merciful, as he is merciful. He calls us to love, as he has loved us. This is most evident in our necessity as Christians to forgive others, as he has forgiven us.

            What pain, though, it is to forgive others sometimes. Must we really forgive, for example, the murderer of our children, the ex-spouse who destroyed our family, the bad confessor who hurt me, the person who started me on a path to addiction, the parent who abused me, or the person who stole all my money? Must we forgive those who continually abuse me? What about the person who sat at the red light too long, or the one who scratched my car, the person who burnt my meal, or the spouse that forgot to complete that chore? Yes, and more. We must forgive it all.

            “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Col. 3:12-13 NRSVCE)” There is no waiver in “must.” St. Paul is very clear about forgiveness being a necessity for those of us who have been forgiven ourselves.

Forgiveness requires compassion, first, because we will never be able to forgive the one who hurt us without first seeing their need for love and for mercy, too. As evil as they may be, they are just as much as us, if not more, in need of the mercy of God, the healing of God to be made whole. They are broken, and sick, in need of a Physician. If we do not see the person with the eyes of Christ, the eyes of compassion, we will always see them as the one who harmed our selves or our loved ones.

Forgiveness takes kindness, because we must show kindness to the person who hurt us, despite the pain and havoc they may have caused. This is what forgiveness means, not to feel better about the person, but to treat them with kindness and to not hold against them their sin. Does that mean being friends with them, to spend time with them, to even speak with them? Not always. There are some occasions in which the person committing the sin against us is not repentant. In that case, it may be better for them and us that we remove ourselves from their presence. It may even be the case of having to send them to prison or jail. Regardless, though, we are called to have kindness toward them. That means working for their good, and not their harm.

Forgiveness takes humility, because we must allow ourselves to truthfully recognize our place before God, and to submit ourselves to love. Humility will overcome our stubborn wills. More so, we will be able to love as Christ loved. He humbled himself, even to the point of death on the Cross, without regard even to the fact that he was God in the flesh. (Phil. 2:5-8) There was no point too low. We must do the same. We must follow him into the path of love, where we will have to put aside all the things we believe we deserve or are owed. Sometimes, we must continue to be abused, praying constantly for God’s grace to change the offender’s heart.

Meekness is required in the same light that humility is, but it would be more of the fruit of that humility. I mean that, since meekness is the virtue of having power under self-control, it will display itself in forgiveness by overcoming the desire to have justice or vengeance. We are always wanting our selves to be vindicated or to receive justice, and often we seek it on our own time, by our own methods. Forgiveness allows us to give all justice and vengeance over to God, who is Judge of all, and who will reward everyone according to their deeds, without partiality. (Rom. 2:6-11)

Patience will allow us to love the offender, and to pray for our enemies, so that they may be converted, healed, and forgiven by God, too. Patience will allow us to endure the pain that we may receive when the offender does not want to be forgiven or change their ways. Patience will certainly help us to endure and to overcome the obstacle of time and lack of strength we have while being humble, meek and compassionate. “Longsuffering” is another word for patient, as the older translations of 1 Corinthians 13 read: “Love is longsuffering and kind.” “Suffering” is not part of this alternate word of “patient” for no reason! Forgiveness takes renouncement of our wills in almost every way, and it is painful to give up that will.

Perhaps we have forgiven others and have been granted the grace to hold no grudges. There is one more person we must forgive – our self.  We must do this, too. If we have confessed our sins, and God has forgiven us, then there is a necessity on our part to accept that forgiveness. C.S. Lewis once said that if we do not forgive ourselves when God has forgiven us already, then we are prideful and hold ourselves up as judges over God himself.

The real issue, though, is that our adversary often does not allow us peace of mind regarding our own sins. “Satan” actually means “accuser.” He is called this for the very reason that he is always accusing us of our sin, always reminding us of it. He will not let it go. He does not want us to let the sin go. He does this, because he wants us to lose hope – hope in God’s grace, mercy and love, especially, but also hope in our position as children of God. He wants us to forget that we are children of the Most High.

Jesus said to his disciples, “Very truly, I tell you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not have a permanent place in the household; the son has a place there forever. So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:34-36 NRSVCE)” Having been forgiven by Christ himself, the Holy One of God who has remained and reached perfection by his obedience, we are set free. So, in our Baptism, we are regenerated, washed clean and made children of God. In the confessional, upon hearing the words “I absolve you of your sins,” we are made clean again and set free from slavery.

The accuser desires only to drag us back to slavery. He wants us to believe we will most certainly fall back into slavery, into the sin that clings so closely and seeks our destruction. No! More than that, he wants to make us believe we are slaves still, and not sons and daughters of God. In fact, though, we are children of God, the Almighty, who gives us his Spirit, to empower us and to give us true life, free from the sin that corrupts our hearts and eats away the life of our souls.

We must, then, always fight against all sorts of evil in order to forgive not only ourselves, but also those who have done great evil against us and our loved ones. There is no limit to God’s forgiveness. As Pope Francis recently said, “God never tires of forgiving, but it is us who tire of asking for his forgiveness.” So, we must continually seek his forgiveness. Then, we must continually give what we have received from God. For, if we do not forgive others their faults, our hearts are closed to the grace of God, and he cannot give to us the forgiveness that he so longs to pour out upon us in his mercy. Yet, he runs after us and urgently seeks us, to show his love and to take us up into his arms. As a shepherd seeks a lost sheep, as a poor widow seeks one lost coin, he longs for us, and chases us.

But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

--Luke 6:35-37 NRSVCE

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

-- Matthew 6:14-15 NRSVCE

He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I forgive with all my heart. (390)

--St. Faustina

Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again; for forgiveness has risen from the grave.

--St. John Chrysostom